Leapfrogging Dad
Well, today is it. At the risk of sounding completely morbid, or even souding freakish, I share with you something that is very sobering to me.
You see, today is the day. Today is the day that I officially outlive my dad. He lived 39 years, 106 days. For me, today is 39 years, 107 days.
I guess that I didn’t fully comprehend what people meant when they said he died young. I was one week away from turning 12 years old. Like any 11.99 year old, I thought my parents were not only old, but teetering on the brink of a geriatric center. What I now realize is that if he was at all like me at this age, (I still feel 20), he somewhere had to think he had only lived half of his life.
So, as I wax introspectively, let me share some insights from a life lived more than 60% without a father:
- Time puts scar tissue on wounds. It certainly doesn’t heal them, but you CAN still go on. There are many times I have wished that my dad could have had just one hour to see his grandkids – but the first introduction to them he will have will be in heaven.
- I experienced at an early age the loving shepherding of two elders, so I’ll mention them by name. Jack McGee and Jolly Pace were both Elders at the Levy church back in 1980 (Jack has since passed away, and Jolly is dealing with some health issues and is no longer a “formal” elder). These two men showed-up in my front yard on a Friday afternoon while we were playing neighborhood football, pulled me aside, and told me my dad had “taken a turn for the worse.” I had no clue what this meant, but I figured it was bad. They comforted me, and just sat with me. I hope that some day, if I have to deliver news like that, I can do it in the loving and caring way that these two Godly men did.
- I learned that God has a plan, and maybe he will let you in on it – but that’s not a guarantee. I remember sitting at the bottom of our staircase the day he died and asking God the age-old question of “why?” Now, 28+ years later, I’m still not completely sure, but I see things that would not have happened the same – but happened for the better.
- I learned that regardless of the outcome, God is still God. Isn’t this the key lesson Job learned? Job got no real answer from God, other than God is God and we are not. Amazing… maybe my life experience has taught me to find peace in this simple fact. I don’t have to know the answer to “why,” because regardless, God is still God.
- I learned that everyone makes a choice as to how they play the hand dealt in life. I have no room to brag because I was led to this place by God and Him working through loving people, but my choice was to absorb myself in Him. And while I have had ups and downs, I can certainly tell you that filling that void with God was unequivocally the best move. Since then, I have watched one brother be incarcerated, one be killed, and another end up on the run with warrants across the country for identity theft. I have watched a self-absorbed mother burn through a fortune while focusing only on her wants under the guise of “shouldn’t I have a little happiness?”
- In the middle of it all, God led me to the most amazing woman on the face of the earth to marry, and provided kids that I certainly don’t deserve. Yes, God is good, even when the chips are down. And no matter what, God is still God.
- I have learned that no parent should ever have to bury a child. My grandparents outlived my father by decades. I simply cannot imagine having to lose a child to death, and my spirit aches for anyone I hear of who loses children.
In all, this is a bit of a wierd day – even though a lot of typical things happened. I look forward to a reunion with my father – a reunion that I feel confident in because of the seeds of faith he planted in me and that have become my own over the years. I owe everything to God. He, as my heavenly father, filled the void of my earthly father. He is the one that provided me with friends that encouraged my faith, mentors who taught me, and a family that loves me even though I do have the occasional rogue ear or nose hair.
-MH
