The Backwash

If this hits you where you live, I make no apologies.

It is time society did something about the LAZY, INCOSIDERATE, SELF-ABSORBED losers who will go to any lengths to NOT return a shopping cart to the cart return.  These people are, to me, as loser-esque as people who use motorized scooters because they are too lazy to walk.

How many times have you seen a person spend 1-2 minutes balancing a shopping cart up against the handicap space sign, or just blatantly push it up against the car in front of them?  Let me be clear…these individuals are a waste of flesh.  It is like a simple walk to the cart return is going to put them one to two minutes behind starting to cook their meth.  I mean, come on…we’re talking about a 5-15 step walk to the cart return. 

For all of us who are sick of it, let us do the following:

• When possible, as we walk by, let’s simply say “is that where that belongs?”
• If you are feeling especially saucy, simply state “I don’t blame you, dude…that walk to the return is a pretty long one.  It’s like the MAN is keeping us down by putting it a mile away.”
• Let us all invest in paintball guns, and when we witness the crime, SHOOT TO STAIN.  If not at the person, at their stupid vehicle.  When they begin to get mad, simply state “Oh – sorry.  That’s not where that paint belongs, but I thought you wouldn’t care since you PUT THAT CART WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG!”

Rise up, o people of intellect!  Let not your aversion to burning an extra calorie (which most of us can use) turn you into the blight of human existence.  Can we not all put things in their place???

-MH

Nearly a month since posts.  Talk about being a bit too busy.  So, to keep this thing from getting cobwebs, here is a quick list of “top picks / thoughts” of my last month:

• Read “The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini.  Excellent.  Yes, I should have read it a year ago.
• Re-watch “Tommy Boy.”  Gotta love the late Chris Farley singing “Fat Guy in a Little Coat.”
• Read “The Shaping of Things to Come” by Frost & Hirsch.  (Warning – DO NOT read it if you think building a church building and expecting people to show up will actually work).
• Read “A Prisoner of Birth” by Jeffrey Archer.  Once you get used to the King’s English, it’s a good book.
• Go to a 10-year-old baseball game.  They are usually free, and they are great for entertainment.  Be sure to make fun of the dads who stand at the fence and attempt to coach their son.  AND – be sure to remind the kids that when people say “Good Cut,” that usually means “you missed.”
• Be glad you don’t have to go through Jr. High again.  What a traumatic experience THAT was!
• If you don’t already own it, buy “Saving Private Ryan” and watch it every Memorial day.
• Experiment with sliced tomatoes on your grilled meat.
• In fact, experiment with a lot of things on the grill.
• Buy an iPod – and spring for the 80-gig version minimum.  Double the storage for fifty bucks more?  Gimme a break.  If you are more into form than function, the iPod touch is great… but honestly, 16 gigs??  I’m toting the 80 version and can get it pretty near full.  BUT, I’m entertained while sitting on a runway at LaGuardia.
• Buy an Xbox 360, a First-person-shooter game, and have about 30-60 minutes of “downtime” every other day.
• Pause, just for a few minutes, and remember how good McDonald’s fried pies USED to be before the tree huggers and nutritionist lobby forced us into a baked version.  What a load.  Remember when they had crunchy bubbles and were actually good instead of “apple pie jerky?”

Life is too short, and maybe I spend too much of it in front of screens and books.  But, it is simply a great time to be alive.  It is easy to spend our days griping about $3.50 / gallon gas prices (a problem exacerbated more by OPEC than our government – although we could lower prices by an automatic $0.37/gallon if the government would let go of the exorbitant gas taxes).

And, I must say, I have done my part to INCREASE my carbon footprint in the last week.  When it’s 38 degrees on tax day in Arkansas, then I need to do my part to actually start global warming.  Oh, if only McDonald’s had not done away with the styrofoam containers!

-MH