The Backwash

If you won't drink it, then read it.

Target Market: Meth Users

My wife is hilarious. She always has been the funnier half of our marriage.

Below is an advertisement from the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette she ran across while reading the paper last week. I couldn’t find a clean copy, so you get the benefit of seeing her commentary:

OK… now, honestly. I would love to talk to this media buyer. Placing this ad assumes:

  • Meth users can read
  • If they CAN read, this ad assumes that they would actually put 50 cents toward purchasing a paper rather than purchasing a travel pack of Sudafed to cook
  • Meth users would not be confused by advertising that essentially offers them more meth

Let’s face it. These are the losers that cause me to have to go through a body cavity search at the pharmacy window to buy any Sudafed. These folks give the phrase “may lead to tooth decay” a completely different meaning.

I sure hope UAMS got what they wanted for this one. I can only begin to picture the interview process.

-MH

June 25, 2008 - 5:04 PM Comments (2)

Little House on the Electron

I am so happy to live RIGHT NOW.  God has His reasons for everything as he weaves the tapestry that is the generations of humanity.  He certainly, in His wisdom, decided I would die quickly if forced to be Charles Ingalls. 

I’m no Little House on the Prairie-ite.  Things I need:

  • At least two showers a day
  • Air conditioning
  • Vehicle
  • Computer
  • iPod
  • Blackberry
  • Options when I travel
  • Things to happen now
  • Moist flushable wipes

I grew up thinking that farming was using implements like a shopping cart and braving the meat aisle.  I know better now, and I am consumer to the core.  Things I know I cannot do:

  • Live without air conditioning
  • Ride a horse or have to walk EVERYWHERE
  • Wear sandals (Jerusalem Cruizer style)
  • Use a rotary phone
  • Watch a TV smaller than 27″
  • Be forced into dial-up internet
  • Use the regular bathrooms at an airport (gotta have the clubs)
  • Baggage Claim
  • Work cattle
  • Farm

Yes, God has his reasons for letting me live now, and I am extremely thankful.  Yes, I have electronic neuroses.  Yes, I am trying to figure out how to have an automatic cutover generator attached to my home so I still have power even when it storms.  Things that annoy me:

  • Cab drivers to whom I have to give directions (actually happened last week in NYC.  Pretty sad.)
  • Travelers who actually think the TSA is going to allow them to carry that 20 oz bottle of water through security.
  • The lady who tried to get a LARGE tube of KY through security last week.  Made for an uncomfortable exchange with the security folk.  She was proud.  I was praying she was not on my flight.
  • O’Hare.  Enough said.

I guess if you wrote of my life, the series would have to be “Little House on the Electron” since most everything I do requires power.  It really is frightening when you think about it, but it is also energizing.  Today, for example, I had a call including myself, a person in another part of Arkansas, and a person in the UK.  While talking, we emailed documents back-and-forth and re-routed my future trip to Philthydelphia to include a quick train over to DC.  Thank goodness I did not have to figure out how to do this in a covered wagon.  Aside from it taking four months or so to accomplish, I would have to watch out for scurvey and all manner of other things. 

Even with all the negatives, this is really a great time to be alive.  I know in a couple of generations, my great-great-some-odd-grand-somethings will look back and say “did boom-pah Mark really have to get on a metal tube with wings to get to another city?  How prehistoric!”  I guess that’s the nature of existence.  I’m just glad I get to do what I do today with air conditioning!

-MH

June 19, 2008 - 8:45 PM No Comments

If the nerve fits, Strike it!

WOW! Last week’s post apparently struck some nerves, and I didn’t even intend to make it a post about VBS.

I received comments, emails, even facebook wall posts telling me that there are a lot of you that agree with the premise. Of course, our VBS’s are in full swing now, so at the risk of stirring the pot more, let me offer the following additional thoughts:

- How much of our church budgets are being used for VBS this summer? How good do you feel about that?
- How is your congregation measuring success of your VBS? What are the success criteria? Too many measure success by things like “only a 10% budget overrun” or total attendance (even though that attendance is likely what you get whenever the doors are unlocked).
- Could you have done better things with the money? Are there widows or elderly in your congregation that are going without a meal or needed medical care…but your congregation funded VBS?
- More pointedly, could your congregation have said “yes” to more missionaries seeking monetary support with the dollars used for your VBS?

This is my last VBS post. I just did not expect the vocal agreement over the last week. We really should, though, ask the same stewardship questions about anything we do.

VBS’s tenure should not exempt it from questions about its effectiveness. The same should be asked about many things we do that have likely outlived their usefulness. We don’t buy tube-driven televisions just because we remember they used to have a good picture. Why in the world would we keep things around our spiritual lives based solely on nostalgia rather than relevance and effectiveness?

-MH

June 18, 2008 - 3:27 PM No Comments

KPI’s on VBS and other KI’s

WARNING – IT IS LIKELY THE CONTENT OF THIS POST WILL BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME – YOU HAVE BEEN APPROPRIATELY WARNED

My daily business is filled with acronyms. One of the popular ones over the last 18-24 months has been “KPI’s,” or “Key Performance Indicators.” Translation – these are indicators (we have sometimes called milestones) that we will review on an ongoing basis to see if the ship is headed the right direction. So, in effect, when we do a project, we determine up-front what those items will be that let us know if we are being successful. If we find we are not successful, we change. It could mean changing people, changing approach, changing method, or completely restructuring what we do.

My church heritage is not accustomed to using KPI’s. If we were, we would have dumped notions like Vacation Bible School (VBS) long ago.

We have all heard the old elder joke…”how many elders does it take do change a light bulb?” response: “did you say change?” This mindset is not necessarily limited to Elders, though. In fact, I have seen cases where Elderships have fought against the tide (to their credit) to make things happen differently simply because what was going on was not working.

My heritage (dare I say it?) has a rather pathetic history when it comes to the teaching principle of monitoring and adjusting. We tend to think that a new coat of paint really does make it all better. A snack upgrade at VBS (home-baked rather than store-bought lemon jumble cookies) will roll in the masses. Attendance declining? Better trot-out the sermons on instrumental music and baptism. That’ll pack those pews. Lack of congregational focus? Gospel Meeting time!

Let’s develop the idea of Vacation Bible School for just a second. I’m sure it had its heyday – primarily when I was growing up in the ’70’s. Since then, VBS hasn’t changed much. Oh, we have put massive dollars into it in a lot of places, changed the format and experimented with multi-day vs. one long day. We have done all we can to bring in the kids…but when it is all said and done, the results puzzle me. What we usually get are a lot of burned-out volunteers and a few visitors that do not return. In fact, many times those visitors were visiting relatives of members. Was this the original intent? Is there something inherently wrong with VBS? Of course not. I just want to call it what it is – a relic. Something that we do mainly because we do not have the guts to kill it because it is not working.

What are the KPI’s for VBS? If it is to keep something from dying because “we loved it when we were kids” and “we do it for the kids,” then we need to claim success. If it is an evangelism tool, then I would submit it needs a bit of re-tooling.

How about other things we do? Yes, most change in a religious context is met with speculation. Even in bible times, change was suspect. Let me be clear – there are many items we can and should adjust, all of which can be done without changing any kind of biblical principle. It becomes difficult, though, when the mindset is such that mediocrity is called success.

As I write this, I am in my hotel room in Times Square. I spend a fair amount of time in NYC – enough to know that we are out of touch with much of society at large. Many of our programs designed to get people to our church buildings just don’t resonate with today’s post-modernism. Maybe one of the core changes we need to consider is a way to get Christians pulling people together outside of our buildings, or consider doing more with the centralized spots we have.

I have witnessed several of our congregations doing things with their buildings that simply would not have been tolerated in years past – sponsoring health clubs for example, or even opening restaurants. I am actually seeing this work and bring in people that have no affiliation with a church. This is, however, a pretty radical departure from the standard four-hour use of many of our facilities.

Another in-building program may not be the answer, though. Maybe “going deep” biblical-principled discussions on a Wednesday night at Starbucks would be a better use of a Christian’s time than yet another Wednesday night class.

While I’m not a huge fan of his, I do like one of Machiavelli’s quotes because I think it hits many of those who are part of the religious movement I am part of between the eyes:

“And one should bear in mind that there is nothing more difficult to execute, nor more dubious of success, nor more dangerous to administer than to introduce a new order to things; for he who introduces it has all those who profit from the old order as his enemies; and he has only lukewarm allies in all those who might profit from the new. This lukewarmness partly stems from fear of their adversaries, who have the law on their side, and partly from the skepticism of men, who do not truly believe in new things unless they have personal experience in them.”

-Machiavelli – The Prince, 1513

It is OK to evaluate our programs, or our “KI’s” (Key Initiatives). Outside of communion, there is very little we do that was part of the early church anyway. That church grew from viral relationships with unbelievers. Do our programs / ministries / outreach actually create that same type of viral network?

-MH

June 10, 2008 - 6:35 AM Comments (12)

Oh, so Randy…

Ok – so I want to give a little help and traffic to a new blog.  Randy Williams, one of the people I spent MANY hours with between the years of 1983-ish and 1990 (and was definitely far cooler than I… well, still is) has entered the blog fray.  His blog is linked on this page, but if you want the hard address, it is www.randywilliams.com.  I’ve even stolen his photo. 

 

Back with a few deeper thoughts later this week!

-MH

June 4, 2008 - 6:58 PM No Comments

HE LIKES IT!

 

For my money, cereal will forever be to me with the following commercial characters: 


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I hope we all remember this…even though I never even tried the cereal…
“>

I am convinced that most generations identify with songs and advertising – especially advertising to which we are exposed from about seven years old until, say, age 15.  Once we start driving, the advertising does not “burn-in” like it used to. 

Viva la advertising!

 

-MH

June 2, 2008 - 12:44 PM No Comments